Wednesday, December 26, 2012

When Things Deteriorate

This Christmas has not been ideal. That's because the man who owns the townhome where I rent a room has a houseguest that has been here for a week and a half now, even though he works three days a week on the coast of Oregon. Before I give details about this situation, I want to write background info.

A year ago around this time, the homeowner decided to give up one of the bedrooms to get another renter because three renters of the three bedrooms will pay his mortgage and he gets to use that money for whatever he wants. The problem with this situation is that he decided to turn the landing area between the three bedrooms, bathroom, and stairs to the lower level of the townhouse into his own bedroom. He accomplished this by installing two five-shelf bookcases on one side and Japanese style folding screens on the longer side. This makes it more "crowded" and leaves little walking space. He recently added a dresser, which takes up even more space. The truth is, had I known that he would do this, I never would have moved to this place in August 2010. I liked the extra space that the landing area offered. Whenever I cleaned my room, I could move things out to the landing area and clean the room and then return things neatly to my room.

What makes this situation worse is that the homeowner has invited several women over the past year to spend the night or week with him and late at night, when I'm going to the bathroom or downstairs to fix my lunch for work, I have to hear the sounds of his sex life, which makes me feel very uncomfortable. At least a closed room would offer a little more privacy, even if the walls aren't sound proof. But an open air "den of iniquity" that only offers bookcases and shoji screens as walls is just unacceptable.

Back in October, the homeowner took a three week vacation to Japan, Laos, Vietnam, and Thailand. This is what he does with the money he saves on his mortgage. Must be nice! It was during that time when I decided how great it would be to move out while he was still out of the country. I found a place that was just a 10 minute walk from my work. A woman in her 60s was renting out a bedroom in her home and she liked me. I paid $100 non-refundable deposit for her to run a background check on me. I made arrangements to move in when she agreed to have me as a tenet. On the third visit to her home to discuss my move-in, I was finished eating the meal she had prepared for me (part of the deal included cooked meals), I had asked about nearby gyms because I want to join one in 2013 and make a serious commitment to fitness to improve my energy (and thus ability to manifest my dream life into reality). All of a sudden, I felt her hand slide across my stomach and she said, "You don't need to work out at the gym!"

I was stunned, but didn't say anything. That weekend, I was packing my things and not feeling excited and kept asking myself why I was not feeling excited about the move. I kept coming back to that incident where she "violated" my personal space. For me, touch is an issue. People just don't do that to me. For me, it signifies a closeness and comfortability, thus why I feel that only close friends and family can touch me. Anyone else does so and it will likely make me recoil. My mom has said that since I was a little boy, I always seemed to hate people hugging me. I would make wiggly movements to get out of it. I believe it is because I feel trapped and I hate feeling trapped. Others say that I have a strange way of hugging, and it's probably true. It is done in a way that doesn't "smother" me. So, I did not know how to take this older woman's unpredictable gesture of touching my stomach. The reason it is an issue is because I don't know her and I was in the vulnerable position of sitting at the table with my back to her and she was walking behind me, so she was in a powerful position and violated a "trust" by doing that when I was sitting with my back to her.

At work, I told a guy about what happened and wanted to know what he thought of it. I trust his advice and knowledge. He asked me, "What would you do if she showed up in your room at night?" I did not even think of that scenario, so it freaked me out that it could be a situation that I had not considered in my desire to move to a new place. I responded, "Well, I'd ask her to leave." He then told me that some women don't handle rejection very well and if I did that, she might not feel comfortable with me in her house and then ask me to move out. Then what would I do? I thought about what he said and responded, "Then I would have screwed myself out of my current living situation."

After that conversation, I called the woman and told her that I was not moving in after all. She asked me why and thought it was because she had "revealed too much" about her personal life (she told me that she was in a loveless 20 year marriage that produced 3 sons who are all in their 20s now, and she had been divorced for 12 years and has not been able to find a man; also she had met her ex-husband in the Unification Church and their relationship was more brother-sister than romantic / passionate). I told her that was not the case. I said that it was because she had asked me to switch from my credit union to her Chase bank (I thought this request was inappropriate and displayed potential "control freak tendencies") and that she had touched my stomach. When I told her that, she played it off as, "Oh, but I'm Lebanese and we are touchy-feely people and it just meant that I felt comfortable with you and see you as a younger brother."

I told her, "I understand how that might be true from your perspective, but that's not how I viewed it. To me, it was a huge red flag and ultimately a deal breaker."

She said, "I'm disappointed to hear this."

I said, "I am too, but you shouldn't have touched me."

I bet that she will never make that mistake again!

My move in date was supposed to be the weekend before Halloween. I knew that if I did not move out before Halloween, that I would have to stay at my current place through the end of the year, due to the hassles of the holidays, such as the mail. I was okay with that.

Until the housemate had invited some lady from Connecticut to spend the week with him, where they had sex several times a night during the entire time she stayed here.

The past week and a half, he has had a different woman than the one who visited him in November. In the two years I've lived here, I have seen him bring home one Asian woman after another. One of them happened to be a Mormon woman who rejected his sexual advances, so he dropped her pretty quickly. If the woman won't have sex with him after he goes through the trouble of making dinner for them, he dumps them. He also dumps them when he's had his fill of them and someone else has come along. It's always an Asian woman, and this is part of the reason why I feel so angry about it. The homeowner is a white guy with an "Asian fetish." I say fetish because he only dates Asian women and I have a pretty good idea why. All the ones I've met are shy, soft-spoken, submissive women who act like little girls. I don't understand the attraction at all.

I have a Caucasian father and an Asian mother, so I feel a little defensive about guys who look upon Asian women as "submissive sex slaves." I find this view to be very demeaning, as there are plenty of Asian women who are strong, opinionated, outspoken, and intelligent: Aung San Suu Kyi, Michelle Yeoh, Lucy Liu, and a few others that are media personalities. When this homeowner dates the same type, I know its a fetish. I also know that he has a sex addiction, as he has told me about how he would date a woman he wasn't attracted to just because he needed sex every day. He's a user who has no interest in a real relationship with any of these women and I hate being a witness to it. He is the epitome of a male pig and makes it difficult for guys like me, because in my search for a relationship, I see plenty of ads by women who are broken and mistrustful of men. Why aren't women smart? Why do I have to be a witness to women falling for the wrong men and becoming victimized by it? It's disgusting to me. It angers me. Women who are being used for their vaginas, wake the fuck up!!!

So, the latest came when the homeowner volunteered to take me to Fred Meyers to get some groceries. He's usually in and out faster than I am. This time, though, he bought two bags full of groceries. That should have been a warning sign to me. He did not tell me that he had a houseguest coming for the holidays. He also did not tell me where she was coming from and how long she would be here. He's also not taking time off from work, so when he was gone for three days at his job on the coast, his houseguest was living here like it was her own place, cooking food, surfing the Net. All day. She has no car, so she's housebound in a neighborhood that is on the low class redneck side of things. Even stranger, she won't even say hi or strike up a conversation. I don't even know if she speaks English. On Sunday night, when he happened to be here making dinner with her, the oddest thing happened. She would talk to him and he would talk to me. She won't even acknowledge me at all. I find that to be really strange. I learned that she had broken one of my drinking glasses. But she couldn't tell me. She had to tell him and then he told me. Weird.

Because the homeowner is an atheist and hates holidays and loves any opportunity to make more money, I knew that he would be working the Christmas holiday, which he did. He's usually in Portland from Saturday afternoon through Wednesday afternoon. This time, though, he was gone on Monday and Christmas day. But the woman is still here. On Christmas!!! Does she not have family? I just don't understand it. Why would she feel comfortable being in some stranger's house with tenets she won't even talk to while her sex partner is away at the coast working for extra bucks? He can't even bother to take time off to be with her on Christmas and she has no car to go anywhere in Portland. If she's a foreigner (her nationality / ethnicity is Japanese, I know that much), why wouldn't she want to see what Portland has to offer while her sex partner is working on the coast? It is strange strange strange that she is willing to spend days alone waiting for him and not talk to anyone else. I have no respect for any woman who allows a man to treat her this way. I don't understand why any woman would put up with it. If it were me, I would not feel comfortable visiting some woman who had tenets renting rooms in her house and being alone there while she worked elsewhere over the holidays. I certainly would not give the tenets the silent treatment. I would want to get to know them and see what they might tell me about the lady they were renting a room from.

There were times when I wanted to tell this mute houseguest: "I hope you know that he is using your vagina and you're just the latest flavor of the month. Don't get too attached!" One lady that he saw for several months actually said to me that she was sad that he was dumping her. I wasn't shocked. She wasn't attractive at all and he had told me that her personality was annoying. He was only using her vagina because it is an effort to find new vagina to fuck and if she kept giving hers up, it worked well for him until she moved away for school and wanted to maintain a long distance relationship. Even though he broke up with that woman, he did fly her up for two weekends earlier this year, just for a sex holiday. And yes, I did have to hear their wild passion. I feel like I live in a whorehouse.

For me, the most telling thing about the homeowner was the one day a year or more ago when we happened to be in Goodwill. It was a Monday. He saw an attractive woman and wanted to ask her out. I overheard him say this monologue to himself: "Let's see...if I make dinner for her on Wednesday, I should have her legs open by Friday." I was stunned when I heard him say that. That does not sound like a man who is interested in getting to know a woman for her mind or her heart. He's only interested in the one body part that benefits him.

It is insulting to me to have to witness this. I want a loving and deep relationship with a woman and to see a constant parade of women allowing themselves to be used by this man and dumped when its no longer convenient for him is an insult. If anyone deserves to go to hell, I think its this homeowner for what he does to women. Thanks to him, I now understand why misogynists are thought to hate women. They only view women as a means to serving their pleasure. There is nothing else that they value or want. I feel sorry for people like him.

To signal to the universe my intention to move early in the new year, I have made an appointment to open a storage facility this weekend to store my belongings and make it easier for me to move out when I find a place. Hopefully, I will find a better place for my soul. I have not been happy with my living situation ever since the homeowner turned the landing area into his den of iniquity. I should've moved out earlier this year, but I wanted to find a better paying job first, which would determine where I might live. But, I can no longer wait for a job to determine my living situation. I have to move and then hopefully, the change will bring about new, positive energy that allows me to find a new career. I can always move again, so long as most of my things are in storage until that day arrives.


Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

Strange situation, sansego. I think a move represents a major shift in energy. For 2013, I wish you the fulfillment of your dreams.

Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

Did you move??