Thursday, December 20, 2012

De-Friended By a Drama Queen

On Tuesday, I got de-friended by yet another woman on Facebook. This one was interesting, because I had thought of de-friending her on election night. Some of my friends even said that I should de-friend her, but it would've violated my personal policy regarding de-friending people. I have only de-friended people who made a personal threat against me, or a demand that I do what they say or else, kind of thing. I don't take threats very well, or demands. You can ask me if I will do something, but even if I decline to honor your request, respect for my decision needs to be accepted, even if one disagrees with my decision. That's how mature people act. I will not de-friend someone who has a different opinion than me, even if they express it in a particularly nasty way, as this woman did on election night. First, a background.

This woman is a couple years younger than me and we've known each other since we were teenagers, even though we never really had much of a conversation in all the years that we've known each other. Her parents are good friends with my parents and we all belong to the same church. However, she and I have nothing in common beyond the church ties. She's a fairly typical "Southern" girl who loves all things country / cowboy. She has a passion for horses, which is cool. She has been married three times. Her third marriage is to a guy who was once a Navy submarine sailor. There should have been a "Navy veteran" bond between her husband and I, but that was not the case. He's a typical Southern male and when I left the Navy in 1996 and assessed my Navy experience, I learned that nearly all of my personality conflicts were with white Southern men (and women) while my closest friends in the Navy were all from Midwestern states (Iowa, Minnesota, Nebraska, and Ohio). I got along great with Southern black guys, but it was interesting that I simply could not get along with Southern white guys. It truly is a cultural thing, as I have never liked The South. In my view, General Sherman should've burned it all to the ground, not just Atlanta to Savannah!

Anyhow, I had never friend requested this lady because in all the holiday parties I've been to at her parents' house (they give the best Christmas party I've ever been to, many years running), she hardly ever says more than a few words to me. I'm not an extroverted guy by any means, but I guess we both knew that we had little in common to talk about, so I don't even bother. Her parents are politically conservative and I've never talked politics with them, but I still enjoy talking with them because they are good people and warm personalities and I like them a lot (as do my parents). So, when this lady sent a friend request to me, I accepted since I generally accept all Facebook friend requests by people I actually know, particularly if they belong to the same church, since we are like an extended family.

There have been times when she commented on some things I've written that she does not like. Her style is to write: "Nick, I love ya but..." before stating her disagreement. I always found this annoying because I don't use the word "love" loosely like she does and I certainly have never felt any kind of love towards her (mostly because I don't really know her nor have I made a point to get to know her nor she of me). I also hate when people preface a statement by saying something like that. It's "cheesy" and the sentiments are fake.

Her posts generally are about the latest drama in her life. She is undeniably a drama queen, though she always claims to hate drama. She once posted something regarding that "Secret" book and apparently believed it until nothing happened for her, so it was a fad that she long moved past since it didn't "work" for her. I can tell why she thinks it doesn't work, even though it does. She loves the drama and she always has drama. No surprise. I wouldn't call her an introspective person, though. She's not "deep." She pretty much lives on the surface of things, which is why I could never have a "real conversation" with her.

On election night, I posted on Facebook my happiness about the results. She was one of the first to respond, which was unusual. She rarely posted comments on my Facebook commentary. But, on election night, she posted that thanks to people like me, God will turn His back on America because we are thumbing our noses at God by electing "that Muslim" president.

I was livid and posted a rather strong rebuke. I told her that I had two things to say to that: (1) Obama is not a Muslim; and (2) even if Obama was a Muslim, there is no religion requirement / test in the U.S. Constitution. I also added a third comment, stating that anyone who believes Obama is a Muslim is basically telling me that they are ignorant of the facts. I happened to spend election night with my friends who are an immigrant family from Ethiopia. I told them about this woman's comment and the Ethiopian woman was shocked and offended. She wanted me to respond with a question, asking this lady in Georgia if she really believed that Obama would lie to his own daughters about his religion. I didn't bother, though.

The woman continued to argue her case that bad things would happen and that we offended God and that Muslims would take control of America and all this other stuff (typical teabagger nonsense). I finally had enough of it that I posted a lengthy comment in which I said something along the lines of this:

"You will never convince me that you could ever know more about politics than me. I love politics so much that I actually majored in it in college, which means that I took many political science courses and had to research and write many papers on a wide variety of political topics. I am also not married and have a lot of free time, which is spent reading a lot of books and articles in magazines and newspapers, many of which are political in nature. So, for you to say that you could know as much about politics as me because you get your political opinions from watching Fox News is not true."

I did not say, but wanted to: "It would be like me claiming to know more about horses than you do, and we both know that isn't true. How about you stick with horses and I'll stick with politics?"

So, on election night, I saw confirmation that she was a typical ignorant Southerner that I simply did not get along with in the Navy or when I lived in Atlanta. Their reality is just so far beyond the fact-based universe. When I told my discussion group about her comments, they were shocked that I would still be friends with such an ignorant person. They told me to de-friend her, she's a lost cause. I said that I don't de-friend based on differences of opinions, no matter how erroneous the opinion might be. I mentioned that she was a friend I knew from church and that her parents and my parents are really close friends, so that's why I kept her on my Facebook friends list.

On Tuesday, though, she posted a long rant confessing that she had did a lot of bad things and saw bad consequences happen because of her poor decision making. She also made a plea for people not to be judgmental towards her, since God would judge them harshly for judging her harshly. I thought it was such a strange rant, so I decided to post something that went like this: "God actually does not judge people. We are our own worst critics and tend to be a far stricter judge than God."

Several hours later, I noticed that I got a new friend request, so I clicked on it and saw her name. I thought that was strange because the number of my Facebook friends did not change. But when I clicked on her Facebook page, I saw that we were no longer friends. I thought that was strange. Perhaps she accidentally de-friended me and realized her mistake. However, based on what she's written in the past, particularly on election night, I decided that I'm glad that she de-friended me so I didn't have to get rid of her from my list. I get to keep consistent to my de-friending policy and I don't have to deal with her rants and drama on Facebook.

What's amazing is that my sister and father told me that they were shocked by the hateful comments she had posted on Facebook in the aftermath of the election. I did not read the comments she made on her Facebook wall, so I did not know what she said other than what she posted on my wall. Apparently, she basically blames everyone who voted for Obama for helping to ruin her life. I don't know how that happened, but I think her personal drama is a bigger cause of problems in her life than Obama's presidency and reelection, or those of us who voted for him.

This recent Facebook de-friending inspired me to write a reminder to the rest of my friends what my "de-friending policy" is, and apparently, a lot of people like my policy or my comments.

The most interesting thing, though, is that this latest de-friending is the third female church member to have de-friended me this year. One de-friended me over my post about Obama being born in Hawaii and calling birthers "ignorant racists." Another de-friended me in the aftermath of the General Petraeus scandal because she defended his adultery and apparently didn't like that I disagreed with her. She's a liberal who earlier this year told me that she didn't want to see me suspend my Facebook account for a couple of months. Strange, how some people are.

But, I'm actually not surprised. You know why? According to my numerology forecast this year, I was warned to be extra cautious about how I express myself this year, especially with the opposite sex, because my way of communicating would cause problems for me this year. I didn't believe it, but now I have to laugh. There must be something to this numerology after all. I just have a low tolerance for willful ignorance, so to this latest de-friend...good riddance! I hope you get some education and give up the drama. If our paths never cross again, I'm perfectly okay with that. I love living life free of drama.


Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

You're the one person with whom I would never argue politics, Sansego. And I'm a political junkie.I say, good riddance to these kinds of people.

Sansego said...

I don't mind political discussions, even with people who disagree (my best friend Nathan doesn't agree with me on politics or religion but we're still great friends). It's those who are ignorant and say they hate politics and repeat the stuff they've heard on Fox that I have a problem with. They actually think they know more about politics than a person who majored in it in college, which only proves how delusional they are.

You're right...good riddance to them!