Friday, June 29, 2012

Another Fairy Tale Marriage Crashes Against Reality

This afternoon, I learned the great news that Katie Holmes has filed for divorce from Tom Cruise, citing "irreconcilable differences" and apparently, Cruise was said to be shocked and devastated. Its hard to know the truth, though, regarding Cruise. If he really did not see this outcome, he is blind. I knew that this marriage would not last. I'm surprised that it lasted this long. However, there are rumours circulating the Internet that Cruise had "auditioned" several actresses to become his third wife and Katie was the only one who passed the approval of the authorities in Scientology. Included in these rumours is that Cruise required a minimum of five years of marriage and a three million dollar alimony per year of marriage. Who knows if any of this is true, though. Usually, these rumours are connected to the belief of some that Tom Cruise is really a closeted gay actor who needs a wife to maintain the illusion of his heterosexuality. However, I don't believe Tom Cruise is gay. I'd actually be surprised if he was.

Tom's problem is his intensity regarding Scientology. It's over the top outrageous. When you read the foundational mythology of Scientology (Xenu, thetans, inter-galactic warfare, volcanos, e-meters), you have to wonder how anyone of any degree of intelligence could believe such fantastical crap. Especially when it came from the mind of a second-rate, pulp science-fiction writer. In addition to his devotion to this Hollywood cult, he is well known to be a "control freak". What woman in her right mind would want to deal with all of that?

Apparently, Katie Holmes. She had a poster of Tom Cruise from his Top Gun days hanging on her wall when she was a young girl and teenager. She dreamed about marrying him some day (I can somewhat relate to childhood fantasies. As a teenager, I used to imagine myself married to Debbie Gibson! Mine obviously has not come true, and I'm glad it didn't. I'd rather be married to Audrey Tautou). She gained fame in the late 1990s as the sweetheart next-door in the teen drama Dawson's Creek. I was in college at the time and one of my housemates was obsessed with that show, so I would watch it while doing my homework. Yeah, Katie Holmes was a sweetheart. When she was dating Tom Cruise (the only woman to have caused Cruise to break out of his controlled image and jump up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch), I hoped that she would have the good sense to get out of it as soon as possible. However, he wined and dined her, taking her to exotic locales in his private jet. In fact, he proposed to her on the Eiffel Tower in Paris and they got married in a fantasy wedding in an Italian castle.

Katie had no chance to resist. There was a huge age difference (she was in her mid-to-late 20s, he was 44 at the time), which presents one set of problems. The other was that she obviously had the whole "princess fantasy" of marriage as a fairy tale and Tom Cruise was wealthy enough to go all out for her in bringing that fantasy to real life in his courtship of her. From my understanding of human dynamics, any time there is an inequality, it creates a potential problem for the relationship. Age difference equals experience difference. Tom Cruise has experienced a lot more about life than Katie has, so his level of understanding is vastly superior, especially when it comes to human dynamics. A naive young lady is no match for a worldly, experienced charmer. She can be seduced without even realizing it.

Because she dreamed about her film star idol for as long as she could remember, when her fantasies turned into reality, she probably had no internal warning signs telling her to slow down. She got swept up in the fantasy of being a princess bride, including a dream wedding in an Italian castle! Prior to Tom Cruise, she had dated an actor who was in the American Pie films. How could he compete with such a wealthy, superstar?

In many fairy tales, the story always seems to end with..."And they lived happily ever after." But what happens after the champagne bottles are empty? When all the rice (or birdseed, or bubbles) gets thrown? When the honeymoon ends and real life happens? When work takes them to different locations? When the imperfect human qualities finally become too apparent to ignore in the glaze of celebrity?

Since Katie's marriage, the many pictures I've seen of her in the past six years have shown a woman who looks unhappy or subdued. She simply did not appear to be happy about what she got herself into. It begs the could you marry someone without considering the implications of their spiritual beliefs? I know several people who have either married or long-term dated women without discussing their spiritual beliefs. For me, this would be a definite no-no. The topic would come up on the first date because a lady's beliefs could be a potential deal breaker. Katie Holmes is from a Catholic family. Granted, both Tom Cruise and his previous wife Nicole Kidman were both raised Catholic. However, everyone knows that Cruise is hardcore Scientologist. This should have been taken into serious consideration at the start.

According to the news reports, Katie's reason for divorcing Cruise is because of Scientology. Particularly, she did not agree with Tom's idea to raise their daughter Suri in strict Scientology indoctrination. It's the reason why she decided to file for divorce in New York, rather than California, and perhaps most shocking of all to Tom Cruise: she wants sole custody of Suri. I guess she does not want what happened to Nicole Kidman to happen to her (Cruise has custody of the two children that he adopted with Kidman).

Five years might be a little late, but I am glad to see that Katie has finally wised up and saw her marriage for the reality that it is, rather than the fantasy she thought it was. Marrying the Hollywood superstar of her dreams has turned into a nightmare. He may be wealthy, handsome, charismatic, with a great track record regarding movies, but beneath all that, he's a hardcore Scientologist. There is something deeply flawed about a person who could belong to and defend an organization that engages in deception, fraud, financial scams, harassment, and even slavery (Scientologists who work in "Sea Org" are paid little and work long hours, are unable to leave, and have to sign billion year contracts). As likable and All-American Tom Cruise may be, his blindness to the con that is Scientology represents a flaw so fatal that any woman who cares about her independence and free will ought to run far, far away from him. To that, I say: Run, Katie, run!!! Get away as fast as you can and don't look back. You made the right decision in leaving. After all, you didn't marry a man. You married a cult.

If there are any young ladies out there who are considering marrying a man who seems to "have it all" but there exists some kind of inequality between you two, think very seriously about where it is likely to end up. Do you really want to subvert your inner light to the intensity of another person? Especially if that person belonged to a hyper-controlling religion or cult? Forget the princess fairy-tale fantasy. That's not real life. Marriage takes work and compromise, but if you're the one making all the compromises, you're not in an equal partnership and it will likely not end well. You've been warned. Learn from Katie's experience. This day was a day that I long saw coming. It'll be interesting to see if Tom Cruise will find another woman to marry him. If that woman is not a hardcore Scientologist, I'll feel sorry for her. He needs to stick with someone who believes in the lies of Scientology like him, otherwise, he's bound to repeat the same experience. Tom is married to Scientology and women are just along for the ride.

1 comment:

Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

There''s also a weird synchro in that Cruise's ex-wives have all divorced him or been divorced around the time they turned 33. In the I Ching, hexagram 33 is called retreat.

Yeah, and then there's scientology.