Thursday, May 31, 2012

Another Winning Personal Ad

In my series on analyzing the personal ads on Craigslist, I found another "winner." Of course, I'm speaking ironically (moronically?). This ad is actually pretty scary. I lifted it straight from Craigslist, keeping the font sizes and other info.

Huge woman wants small man. PICTURES PLEASE! - 28 (Portland, OR)

Date: 2012-05-30, 10:50PM PDT

I am a big, voluptuous and fabulous woman, but the big men don't do it for me. I want to be the big spoon! I want to press my voluptuous boobs into your tiny little back. You may think this is a joke, but I'm a strong woman and I need someone I can dominate. I want to crush someone between my thighs (lovingly of course.) Please respond if interested and please send a pic! I would like to see how small you are. ;)

As one who peruses the personal ads on occasion, I'm struck by the number of obese women who post ads on the site. The statistics I've heard on the news is that 30 to 40% of Americans are "overweight", but on Craigslist personals, its more like 100%. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating it bit. It's probably more like 99.2%. What's different about the above ad is that she's so in your face about it. I mean, seriously: "I want to press my voluptuous boobs into your tiny little back"?!? Why would she think that's even a turn-on?

Since I moved to Portland six summers ago, I could've had 5 different girlfriends by now. Every single one of them was obese and was interested in me. As a person who has been skinny my entire life, and who has some Asian heritage, and who has lived 6 years of my life in Europe, I have a strong aversion (repulsion is probably a more accurate word) to obesity. I know its probably not politically correct to say so and people's feelings get hurt, but I simply do not find anything about obesity to be physically (or sexually) attractive. Nada. Some people don't find skinny people attractive, or someone of a different ethnic or racial background than them, or someone of the opposite gender. We all have our preferences, but somehow, to even mention not being attracted to obesity, its considered "cruel" or "mean" or "politically incorrect." No, it's simply being honest.

What the 5 obese women who were interested in me had in common was that they all had a very demanding / forceful / forward personality. I wondered about why I seem to attract obese women, especially the aggressive / overly-assertive kind. For me, personality matters. I like the vibe of a woman like Queen Latifah, who carries her weight rather well. Her personality, intelligence, and sense of humour make her attractive, despite her physical size. But none of these obese women had Queen Latifah's personality. I suspect that they all thought that they could push me around and dominate me. In fact, when I was new to Portland, one lady I had met through Craigslist gave me a tour of Portland. We had walked past a store on Hawthorne Boulevard (Portland's alternative neighbourhood) that sold leather outfits and other accessories to spice up a kinky couple's sex life. Despite having only met a few hours earlier, she felt comfortable enough to tell me that she wanted to put me in leather and chains. I was stunned that she even thought I would find that idea interesting or a turn-on. It was a major turn-0ff. The last thing I wanted to see was this obese woman's naked body.

Two of my cousins are big girls who had married smaller men (both guys were shorter and skinnier than I am). The older one joked to us that she slaps her husband around. It was funny hearing her say that while he stood by her side and said nothing. I never could understand their relationship. I do understand that some men have such an uncontrollable sex drive that they will be in less than ideal relationships in order to "get some" on a regular basis. Single obese women are plenty available for guys who are into that. The guys will endure all kinds of demands and domination just because they get some on a regular basis.

For me, though, I believe in true gender equality. I'm not interested in dominating a woman or ordering her around, nor am I interested in being dominated or "henpecked" (cuckolded). I find a relationship based on intelligence and mutual respect to be the most desirable / ideal. I'm not interested in power plays or the whole domination versus submission fantasies that some people have.

As for this woman in the ad, I can't imagine anything exciting or attractive about being suffocated by the excess flab of an obese woman. It would be one of the worst forms of torture that I could ever imagine. She wants to "crush someone with her thighs"? I think she's been watching too much of that James Bond movie with the villainess Xenia Onatopp (who was sexy in a demonic way and nowhere near obese). There probably are guys in Portland who will answer to her ad just because they need it and she's willing to give it to them.

For the next installment, hopefully I will find a personal ad that actually appeals to me, rather than the freaky ones that I find repulsive. Tune in next time.


Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

Weird, very weird. There's a novel in here somewhere.

Mandalynn said...

Thank you for sharing. This ad cracked me up. So, out of curiosity, would you date Queen Latifah?

Sansego said...

I would definitely date Queen Latifah! She has a great personality and "vibe."