Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday the 13th Special: Examining a Personal Ad

I've been wanting to start a new regular feature on my blog that analyzes a personal ad I've found on Craigslist for the purposes of amusement, as well as point out what is wrong with it. I guess I could be nice about it and just skip over the ads, but I think some ads are worth taking a look and for why they are ridiculous. Reading the personal ads on Craigslist is guaranteed to make one depressed about the state of humanity. The shallow superficiality is apparent through most of the ads. No one seems genuinely interested in meeting people. Many have tall orders for what they want or a litany of what they don't want. Instead, why not write an ad that reveals oneself and let whatever person is attracted to that respond, and then respond to their emails? I have seen a few well written ads and responded to them, but did not get a response back. It is frustrating. I'm really beginning to think that there are way too many shallow people in our country. Why is it so hard to find people of depth? If you have some basic experiences in common, why wouldn't you want to meet in person for coffee / tea and a conversation? You never know what will happen when you meet people. It might not lead to a relationship, but it might lead to new ideas, a new direction in life, or new friendship.

So, here's this week's ad selection:
The Right Man that will make me smile and laugh, and who knows how to deal with me during my times of emotional. The one that will take care of me financially, emotionally, and intimately with love and compassion. The one that can communicate well with me and understand me or at least try to. One who isn't always jealous when I talk to or meet with other guys, and yet will get jealous once in awhile to show that he cares about me. Accept me for who I am and what I do in life, and who will love me no matter what happens. One who isn't clingy and can be relied on when I need him the most, and one who can be trusted as well as be honest in everything that we do. You don't need to be all Perfect, but if you're the Right Man then we will be able to get along well with each other.

The following names not reply to this ad for reasons that triggers bad memories for me, and I apologize if this offends you but it's the names and not the person that I'm trying to avoid: Michael, David, Bill, and Sean. Please be a non-smoker, non-illegal drugs, non-alcoholics but drinks lightly, and if you can't accept this then move along to the next person that you are interested in.

Send me your picture first and I will send you mine :)

So, what's wrong with this ad? Well, she gives a laundry list of what she wants but says nothing about what she would offer the guy. And some of her demands are selfishly hypocritical and inconsistent.

For example, she wants a guy who isn't "clingy" yet be reliable when she needs him the most. What if she's "clingy"? What if her needs are demanding and he feels as though he gets little in return for being there for her?

The biggest issue I have with this woman's ad, though, is that she does not want a guy who gets jealous when she talks to or has friends with other men. Her next sentence then says that she wants a guy who gets a little jealous occasionally to prove to her that he really cares!! Seriously?!? Are you freaking kidding me? A guy has to act or be jealous in order for her to feel like he loves her? This is why I'm so not suited for the dating game. I'm not interested in the personal dramas that people are addicted to. Because I have maintained friendships with females I've was friends with in college and my various places of employment, I would never put the demand on any woman I was in a relationship with that she couldn't be friends with her male co-workers or college friends. Would I get jealous? I don't know, but a part of me doesn't think so. I believe in karma, so if I was in a relationship with a woman and she cheated, that's her karma to deal with. Not that I wouldn't feel betrayed or not get angry, but I don't think being jealous is a healthy state of being. Besides, if you cannot tell if a guy loves and cares about you until you try to make him jealous, then you seriously have issues. If you really cared about someone, why would you do things to try and make them jealous? This kind of stuff makes me very cynical about love, as I believe that most people have no real concept what true love truly is. True love to me means that you don't do things to deliberately set them off or make them jealous or try to get a reaction out of them. These are ego games to make us feel like we have the power to cause an emotional reaction in someone else. I don't play that game. There is nothing spiritually nourishing about behaving that way.

I'm sure that if I was in a relationship with a woman who tried to make me jealous, my aloof nature to those sorts of mental / psychological games would confuse her and make her act more outlandish. But in my view, this is not authentic love. Authentic love would inspire you to be the best person you could possibly be. Jealousy is a lower emotional response. Unconditional love is the highest level of being. I'd rather aim for the higher than the lower.

Finally, this woman says that she will not date men with the names of Michael, David, Bill and Sean because of her previous negative experiences with men who have those names. Really? Does she not realize how shallow that makes her sound?!? What if her soulmate happens to have one of those names? Does she not realize it is not the name of a person that's the problem. It's the personality type. The way our universe works, if she keeps selecting men by a shallow criteria, she will keep meeting men who have the type of personality that she apparently does not want. They might not have any of those four names, but what will she do, keep adding new names to her list of guys she won't date? Incredible! This woman deserves to be a spinster with a house full of cats for the rest of her life. Based on the way her ad is written, I believe she would be a pain to be in a relationship with. I would imagine that her life might be filled with unnecessary drama and she pushes men away by being "clingy" and trying to make them jealous in order to show that they really care about her. She may, in fact, be pushing men into doing the things she does not want because she has unrealistic expectations of what authentic love is all about. Good luck finding a sap to date you, shallow woman!

1 comment:

adultdatingtalk said...

I think one time she meets a guys with a name of one of that and she will realize that ever guys have different from each other even they have the same name. I hope she will realize it....

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