Tuesday, October 04, 2011

The Frustrations With Dating

Well, September finally arrived and ended without the "prediction" the "common sense psychic" I saw in the spring coming true. I had gone to a group event because it was cheaper and I mostly focused on career questions. I liked the various advice she gave everyone and she appeared legit. She did not give answers that people wanted to hear. She was especially "harsh" with one of the ladies who was at the event. When she gave her psychic impression of everyone, what she told me was interesting. She said that I was "moving into relationship energy" and that I would meet the one I was "contractually destined" to meet and marry. My entire life would change, including career, living arrangements, etc. She said that we would meet by September and it would lead to marriage next year. She insisted that there was no way that we would not meet, because we were simply destined to meet.

So, what happened? No such event occurred. Although there was that one I had met at the Movies and Meeting group in August, she did not attend the September meeting and her name is no longer attached with the Meet-up group. Of course, I have to be objective about this and it appears that the psychic lady was wrong. Was it a lie? I don't feel that it was. I was not seeking questions regarding my future love life, but that was what she focused on. Perhaps she saw something coming up, but I did not meet my obligations. My goals this summer were to get in a regular fitness routine and to de-clutter. I don't know what happened to my summer. Though I made some progress on the de-cluttering, I'm still no where near when I want to be. How did I accumulate so much stuff? Why don't I seem to have a lot of free time? Where did the time go?

I have responded to a few ads on Match.com and did not even get a response. I responded to an ad on Craigslist by a lady in Seattle who was looking for interesting people in Portland. She responded back, seeming intrigued by what it said. She requested a picture and I had never heard from her again. Really? Wow. How shallow! Earlier this year, I had attended a meeting with a lady who runs a Matchmaking service. She advises clients to give the person three dates at a minimum, because people tend to be nervous on the first date and might make stupid little mistakes. The point is to get to the relaxed stage so people can be more natural with one another. Also, people tend to "wear masks" on the first date or two, which does not allow each other to get to know the real them. I like her advice, but I think it needs to go further.

On my Match.com ad, I have the maximum amount of photos allowed to be posted. I wanted to show a variety, since I seem to look different in each of my pictures. Are women scared away by my photo? Do they think I'm unattractive? I know I'm not George Clooney, but women who are still single in the 30s are really still that shallow? Especially if we share a lot of experiences and interests in common? Are women still that shallow in their 30s?

Here's what I know for sure. You cannot gauge personal chemistry from a mere photograph. Nor can you gauge a person's attractiveness. A photo captures an image, that's all. At my last job in Atlanta, there was a lady I worked with who was drop-dead gorgeous. She and I flirted a lot. Before you get the wrong idea, she was kind of superficial / shallow and materialistic, so we had nothing in common where it counts. However, I still liked her as a friend and co-worker. In all the pictures I've seen of her (including ones I've taken), her physical beauty is not captured. In other words, despite her natural beauty, she was not "photogenic." I was shocked by this. How can this be? But there it is. I've known several women whose photos did not do them justice. They were far more attractive in person than their photos could ever reveal. I believe this is true because personality and aura plays a lot into a person's attractiveness. Only in person can we really get a "feel" for someone's attractiveness. Especially for those who can see one's "inner light." I've also known women who photograph well. They are gorgeous in their pictures, but in person, they aren't nearly as attractive.

I wish more people would realize this. I find dating and the pursuing of dates to be such a superficial process and I blame our capitalistic society, which puts too much emphasis on the material and the physical and belittles the qualities that are unseen. Thus, the women with great ads on Match.com who won't even give me a chance, well, good luck to you when you find yourself still single after the childbearing years are past! How hard is it to respond to some guy's response to your ad? You see that you share some interests in common or have some life experience in common. Maybe he does not "look" like your ideal, but what is so wrong about getting to know someone? A few emails and perhaps a meeting in person. Who knows? If you are still looking for a meaningful relationship, why close the door on anyone who has similar interests / experiences as you? Who knows...taking the chance might lead somewhere wonderful. You just never know.

The dating thing is just so completely frustrating for me that I'm seriously thinking of giving up on the whole thing. If I don't meet a relationship-worthy lady before my 40th birthday, I'm going to give up on the idea of relationship / marriage. Its just not worth the stress, the time, the expense, the dealing with other people's games and dishonesty and superficiality. What I want is a more spiritual world, where people are willing to meet people without any expectations. If you see that you have a few things in common, based on the personal ads, you explore it by meeting the other people and having a genuine, face to face conversation. If I know anything at all, there is a certain magic that can happen when people meet in person and share interests. So, forget the pictures, they can be deceiving and not accurately reflect what a face to face meeting might reveal.

Imagine an option between two worlds. In one world, you are constantly judged by how you look and what you can do for other people. People will not give you the time of day unless they believe that you can do something for them. In this world, everyone is judged by how they look, including those who judge others. Any connections made will always be suspect, though, because someone better might come along and when that happens, you're discarded like yesterday's trash. In the other world, people realize that each person looks the way they look, but the true worth of a person is the light that shines from within and this light can only be seen / felt from personal contact, because each person's aura invokes a feeling within you. By sharing personal life experiences and interests, synchronicities and coincidences are likelier to happen and you feel a deeper connection with one another. This connection gives you a glimpse into eternity. But to experience that, you have to take the risk to meet someone in person and have a real, genuine conversation.

Which world would you rather live in?

I thought so.


T said...

When you aren't looking, it happens. And psychics are notoriously bad about pegging time, Sansego. Time doesn't exist for them, so it's really kind of funny when they try to get into the time thing and are way off.

Sansego said...

The problem is, it doesn't happen when I'm not looking. It doesn't happen when I'm looking. It never seems to happen for me and I am tired of it. I see people in dysfunctional relationships all the time. People put up with a lot of crap. All my friends think of me as a thoughtful guy. I know I would be great in a relationship, but I won't know until I am given the chance. This is the one area of my life that most angers me about God not answering my prayers. I know I can make some lady very happy, but I'm having a difficult time finding her. I want it to happen before my 40th birthday or I'm going into monk mode for the rest of my life.