Tuesday, July 05, 2011

What a Woman Should Never Say to a Man

Today's blog post is specifically directed towards a regular reader. Enjoy!

Someone recently sent me an email after reading my blog post entitled "Blood on the Bus", about a situation that occurred on Friday when a thoughtless person caused the evacuation of a bus because a drop of blood fell from an open wound and landed on something inside the bus. In the email, the lady indicated that she "worries" about me. Really? Why? That is really bizarre. In fact, for as long as I remember, the statement: "Nicholas, I worry about you sometimes" is absolutely THE WORST STATEMENT that anyone could ever say to me. Why?

Exactly. Why?

You know who always says that to me? Its always a middle-aged woman. They don't know me well enough, but it doesn't stop them from saying that to me. Whenever they say this statement to me, I will always ask "Why?" because I really think its the strangest thing for someone to say to me. I think most guys are on the same page as me. You hardly ever hear a guy say this to someone. Must be a female thing. Anyhow, whenever I ask the person who says this to me "Why?", they never give me an answer about the reasons for their worry. It comes off as a fake kind of concern, which only pisses me off more. I suppose in the female mind, telling someone that you worry about them is meant to convey that you care about them, but the way a man receives such comment is not flattering. It comes across as doubt that a man knows how to take care of himself and a lack of belief in his level of confidence in living life. In a word, its insulting and condescending.

When I was in college at BYU, I had moved out of the dorms at the end of my first semester to save money. I had moved into a house up in the hills overlooking the university. The homeowner was a lady around my age (or her parents owned it and she just lived there) who rented the three rooms in the basement to men. She lived upstairs with her sister. One day, at the LDS Ward I was assigned to, the Bishop's wife came up to me and said, "Nicholas! You live in a house with women in it!"

"That's correct," I said.

Her response truly baffled me. She said, "Nicholas, sometimes I worry about you!"

Really?!? She didn't know me very well. All she knew about me was that I was the only Non-Mormon assigned to her husband's ward. In her belief system, she apparently thought that a man is not mature enough to live in a house with a non-related female of the same age without some sexual activity going on. She needn't have worried, though. I did not find the landlady of that round house up in the hills to be even remotely attractive. There was no serious chance that any sexual activity was going on in that house between the Mormon landlady and myself.

Oh, there was definitely sexual activity going on, but it was the other guy and his girlfriend, whose room was next to mine and I could hear them going at it at times. He was a Mormon, but he did not attend BYU, with its strict Honour Code that banned sexual activity outside of matrimony for all students.

In other words, the Bishop's wife was worrying for nothing. Nada. NOTHING!

There were times where some church ladies would tell me that they worried about me or they were relaying a message that my mom was worried about me. Again, when I asked why, they would never tell me. What is so secretive about it anyway? If you're going to tell someone that you're worried about them, say the reason why!!! Otherwise, keep your worries to yourself.

I looked up the definition of worry online and learned that its an anxiety that is obsessed with "Should haves" and "What ifs?" This means that worrywarts are either obsessing over mistakes made in the past and wishing they could change things (I am certainly guilty of that at times) or they are obsessed with potential dangers in the future (I am not afflicted by what if scenarios regarding the future). This means that people who worry about the past they cannot change or a future that has not arrived are not living in the present. All we have is NOW. This is the most spiritual place you can be. And if you are authentically spiritual, the worries tend to melt away.

Why worry? Like the obnoxious spokesman of MAD Magazine (Alfred E. Neuman) famously says, "What, me worry?" Good motto to live by.

Someone might be well meaning when they express "being worried" about me, but whenever I hear it, I can't help but think the person making the statement is being fake with me. No one in my inner circle has ever expressed to me that they worry about me. Its probably because they know me better than most people and my biggest character trait is adaptability and a strong belief in possibilities. Even when I was robbed at knifepoint as a young man on the streets of Johannesburg, there was no reason to really "worry." I have a strong spiritual worldview that many don't understand. I don't worry about the future because worry is a wasted emotion. Whatever will happen, will happen. Life experience gives us knowledge that become part of our gut instincts. Intuitive insights also help guide us. I've been in dangerous situations before and saw my way to safety without worry.

Additionally, as a believer in the Universal Law of Attraction, worry about future possibilities (for example, "What if I get hit by a car?") might actually attract that scenario into one's life experience. Who wants that? I prefer to live in the good vibes of living on purpose and in the flow of synchronicity. There is no reason to worry. Really. So, I appreciate the concern, however legit or "fake" it might be, but really, its not necessary. My life will go the way it does and its not for anyone to concern themselves with. Whatever happens to me is my blessing or burden to deal with and learn from.

Another thing to consider. Worrying can give you ulcers. Who wants that? Instead of worrying about your past or your future, or other people's futures, how about taking deep breaths and being present in the Eternal Now. Feel your worries melt away as you breathe in the satisfaction of the present moment. Waste not a moment more on worries because it truly is a wasted emotion.

1 comment:

T said...

Terrific post, Sansego. I thnk you're right that it's a female thing. Your points are so well taken.