Monday, April 18, 2011

Music Video Monday: Boy Meets Girl

This week's selection happens to be one of my favourite songs from the 1980s: "Waiting for a Star to Fall" by the one hit wonder duo Boy Meets Girl. When it came out in 1989, it wasn't one of those singles that I really went crazy about or a huge hit. I liked it enough, but I don't think it made my Top Ten Best of 1989 list. However, it has amazing staying power. All these years later and I still don't get tired of hearing it. The song is a perfect representative of an 80s song and sound. The lack of such peppy pop love songs on the radio today is truly tragic for the teenagers growing up. Instead, they have to be bombarded with the crass materialism and sexual overload, as represented by Britney Spears' latest album or any number of the artists out today. Give me "Waiting for a Star to Fall" any day!

Part of why I selected this song (as well as last week's music video selection, "Love Changes (Everything)" by Climie / Fisher) is because I've got love on my mind. No, I have nothing new to report. I'm still single and I haven't met anyone new. And I did give the Russian lady my business card, but didn't ask for her number. It got awkward when I wanted to ask, so I didn't go for it. Part of that had to do with the psychic telling me that this lady is not the one I am destined to be with, the one who will change my entire world. Supposedly, I will find my soulmate by September. I just have to trust that it will happen, while getting my life squared away and ready for a relationship that will lead to marriage. Why get involved with someone now if it'll mean a break-up later?

On Friday, I finished reading a book called The Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford. Its about approaching the relationship search by the principles of The Universal Law of Attraction. The book offers excellent advice, inspiring examples of couples who found love after setting the intention for what they wanted to find, and useful exercises to perform. I have a special composition notebook devoted to what I am calling: "The Quest for My Lady Love." I am approaching this important search like a knight in search of the Holy Grail of the Medieval Ages. We'll see how I do.

Last Saturday, I attended the Body Mind Spirit Expo at the Oregon Convention Center. It was the first time I went inside that awesome building since my interview for a job there back in February. I did not get the job, but a part of me is not ready to leave my current place of employment, even though I still aspire to a better salary. I had attended the last Body Mind Spirit Expo in October, when I was unemployed. The Expo has one part where booths are set up for all kinds of New Age spiritualist products and services (including Tarot Card / Palm / Psychic readings). The thing I look forward to, though, are the 50-minute lectures. Its like being back in school, but with relevant information, instead of the worthless crap that qualifies as education. My favourite session was by a perky young lady whose business is called "Intuitive Matchmaking". Its a blend of online dating websites and a professional matchmaking service.

I loved her speaking style. Think Katie Couric, though she kind of resembled Christine O'Donnell (the lady who ran for the U.S. Senate in Delaware last year). She gave some insight into the whole dating process, which I agree with. Her job is to screen people (its more like joining a club than signing up for an online dating account with and set couples up based on the information in people's profile. After the couple goes on a date, they send her their assessment of the date and she sees if there's potential or not. Apparently, personal information is not exchanged or released unless both people agree. She recommends a minimum of three dates, because she sees that people are often too quick to dismiss a potential without giving the other person a chance. Usually, the first date is often afflicted by nervousness, so people aren't at their most natural self. People on a date need to be comfortable and relaxed, to approach it as getting to know someone. There's nothing wrong with getting to know people, even if you don't feel a deeper connection.

She has even helped married couples stay married. She made an excellent point that a lot of people who want to throw away their marriages tend to fall into new versions of their old spouse, so they end up repeating the same cycles / issues. Her goal is to help people lessen the search. She mentioned that we should not give away too much of ourselves on dates. Her advice was to save our best for the right one.

I don't know why people are so freaky about meeting people. I'm not. If friends want me to meet a lady, I have never objected. I guess its because I know how to meet people without expectations. However, in the past, friends who have tried to introduce me to a lady, the lady was always freaking out and too afraid to even have a conversation with me. I don't get that. Just because we talk to each other doesn't mean we're automatically going to hook up or get engaged or married! I agree with this dating matchmaker that it takes more than one date to get to know someone. I certainly need to get to know someone over time, rather than jump into things.

However, I haven't always done this. In 1996, I took an attractive Asian lady to a Johnny Clegg concert in the middle of the Summer Olympic Games in Atlanta. During the whole date, it was me asking her a question, her giving a short response, silence. Then repeat. She was boring. She didn't even seem like she wanted to be there. This was JOHNNY CLEGG!!! His music couldn't even move her. I knew there was no way I was asking her out again. I'm sure her mother was disappointed. Her mother seemed more into me than the daughter was.

When I was new to Portland in 2006, I went out with one lady I had met through Craigslist. We spent a Sunday afternoon together. When I met her, I knew there would be no chance at a relationship because she was obese. However, I didn't end things. I decided to get to know her, because I would not throw away the opportunity for a friendship. While we were walking down Hawthorne (Portland's Haight-Ashbury, Greenwich Village, Adams-Morgan or Little Five Points), we passed by a store specializing in adult toys and clothing. She mentioned wanting to put me in women's lingerie and cracking a whip at me. That simple comment killed any chance at a friendship. I'm not into freaky stuff, not even if I had found her sexually attractive. We probably hung out for a couple more hours, but at dinner, she realized that I was less talkative and wondered what was wrong. She even asked if I would call her again or would I be a typical Portland "flake." I simply did not need to go out with her again to know that there was nothing in common. That says something about her, when I'm not willing to give her any more of my time.

The situation repeated when another obese lady at my work seemed to have a crush on me and kept asking me to show her my apartment. I didn't trust her motives (I always suspected that she would try to jump my bones and she had a lot of weight to throw around that I was afraid of getting crushed). The most sexually aggressive women I've come across have all been obese. I see it in plenty of Craigslist ads as well. For me, it is a turn-off when a woman I just met is so sexually forward, especially if I don't find her physically attractive. Its just crass, totally lacking in class and the fine art of flirtation and seduction.

Finally, the other female I wanted to mention was the one I had met through a Craiglist ad. When we met, I didn't find her physically attractive, either. But I went out with her a few times. I know from the past that I have been able to become attracted to a woman I didn't initially find attractive as I got to know her. However, the more I went out with this one, the more desperation I sensed in her approach to dating. Each time we went out, she did things that I suspected were not-so-subtle tests, which I made sure to purposefully "fail" (the most obvious was her tendency to rub her arms frantically while we're watching a movie in the theater, as though she's cold and likely hoping that I'd put my arm around her or offer my coat).

What annoyed me most, though, was that she would ask questions that seemed more like it came from a list she read in some advice column, than a natural part of a conversation. She would ask a question out of the blue like, "How often do you call your mother?" or "How close to your mother are you?" Obviously, there is an idea that is pushed by relationship "experts" that a woman can correlate how a guy treats his mother as to how he would treat the lady he's dating. While it can be good advice, it doesn't take into account that some people's lives may not fit the cookie-cutter conformist view of the world. I'm not going to discuss my relationships with family and friends with just anybody. All my female friends will testify, though, that I'm the rare male who actually treats women as complete equals. Even though this lady and I aren't a couple, she's still on my Facebook friends list and I'd have no problem being just friends with her (I believe that she even tried another trick to get me interested in her, when she invited me to an event but made sure that she sat next to some guy and paid attention to him, trying to make me jealous, which I wasn't. Her game is too obvious).

The dating game frustrates me because I think too many people have a checklist that they mentally go through whenever they meet someone and get to know them. I don't live by such a checklist. I like to go with the flow. I know enough to not have pre-conceived conditions on what I'm looking for, because everyone's life situation is different. For example, though I'd love to marry a woman with a college degree and a career, I fell hard for Christine even though she never went to college nor had a career. She was intelligent in a way that impressed me, whereas there have been plenty of ladies with a bachelor's or master's degree that I didn't think were all that bright. Why limit one's pool by some superficial standard? Another example is that Jenet was not my ideal version of attractive (she is beautiful, but did not have the look that wowed me), but her personality and intelligence made her incredibly attractive and a catch.

So, I wish people would lighten up on the dating approach. As The Celestine Prophecy novel mentions, we should treat each conversation as an invitation to gain some insight into our lives. To discount someone because they don't fit our "ideal" is to potentially throw away a hidden gem. Here's hoping that I don't have to wait for a star to fall before this boy meets girl!

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