Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Here's My Kenyan Birth Certificate, Bitches!



Above is a copy of a Kenyan birth certificate that you can get made instantly online. For those who lack a sense of humour, yeah, its a joke. Which is exactly what birthers are. While Donald Trump has sent private investigators to Hawaii to dig up whatever info they can find about our president's birth certificate, he is also continuing to appear on television talk shows to promote his crazy agenda. His behaviour lately has baffled many people. Why would he put his reputation on the line over this non-issue? Is the birther vote or support really worth the cost of your own sanity?

Surprisingly, Sarah Palin commented about Trump's obsession. She actually said that she believes Obama was born in Hawaii, but "good on ya, Trump!" for doing what your heart tells you. Which is bullshit, because for one, Trump should worry about his business. Why won't he release his IRS documents? What is he hiding? He claimed recently (bragged, actually) to have conned Muammar Gadhafi on some real estate deal. So what?

Does Palin really want to go there, though? There are numerous blogs devoted to her every utterance and quite a few of them keep repeating the circumstances surrounding the birth of Trig, the Down Syndrome baby that Palin claims to be her fifth child. I count myself among those people who believe that she faked her pregnancy. The circumstantial evidence is through the roof on this one. From photos of Palin a few months before the baby was due, she simply did not look pregnant. Her explanation was that she had "tight abs". After she announced her "pregnancy", she used scarfs and bulky jackets to hide the lack of a belly. All this time, her daughter Bristol was taken out of school and hidden away.

But the most damning info regarding Palin's fake pregnancy was her own words. In April 2008, she claimed that her water broke before she gave a speech in Texas. She went ahead and gave the speech. Afterwards, she went to the airport to fly back to Alaska, with a change of planes in Seattle. Flight attendants have said that she did not appear pregnant. There are flight restrictions regarding pregnant women. If Palin's water had broken before she gave the speech in Texas and she did not see a doctor right away, but opted to fly home, then she put all the passengers and crew of the two flights in serious jeopardy. That act, in itself, shows just how thoughtless she really is. But no worries...because she wasn't pregnant! Upon landing in Anchorage, she drove over an hour to an out-of-the-way clinic that had no special equipment or training regarding premature and special needs babies.

Sarah Palin has never released a birth certificate of Trig. Gee, I wonder why? I know what some critics might say: "apples and oranges." One birth certificate has to do with a candidate's eligibility, the other is of a politician's child. However, if Palin faked a pregnancy, shouldn't that automatically disqualify her from the presidency? If she's willing to lie about something like that, and carry on the deception for years, why would anyone trust her with the nation's security? She knows the truth and I believe that her paranoia that this might make the mainstream media will ultimately keep her out of running for president.

Even more bizarre in the Palin family drama, Bristol gave birth to Levi Johnston's son and named him Tripp, which happens to be the last name of her father's (Todd) massage therapist (whom he is rumoured to have an affair with). Can you imagine the mother-daughter psychodrama between Sarah and Bristol? Logic dictates that Bristol might have named her son Tripp to throw in her mother's face the rumoured mistress. This could be a getting back after Sarah and the McCain campaign threw Bristol under a bus when the media first reported in September 2008 that Palin might have faked a pregnancy. Instead of showing a birth certificate, Palin revealed that her daughter was currently pregnant, so there was no way she could have given birth to Trig.

Whatever, bitch. This whole episode about Obama's birth certificate seems to be little more than projecting. The birthers are not really doubting Obama's birth, but Trig Palin's! Because that story simply does not add up, they can't handle the truth so it all gets projected onto a convenient scapegoat. This obsession is going to backfire on conservatives, as they seem to be getting crazier and crazier. If you've ever wondered why zombie movies are back in vogue, I think some of it might have to do with our anxiety about the daily barrage in the news that we are completely surrounded by brainless, minions of Fox...which is what zombies are.

So if you're one of these birth certificate-obsessed birthers, do me a favour. Don't ever seek my friendship, or if we're already friends, de-friend me, un-friend me, or whatever it takes to remove yourself from my life. Ignorance is such a wasteful trait. There are real issues in the world: massive animal deaths, climate change, the amount of damage BP did in the Gulf of Mexico, the amount of damage Fukushima is causing in the environment around Japan, the massacres going on in Libya, Syria, Yemen, and Cote d'Ivoire. With all these events going on in the world, a birth certificate remains the obsession of the right? Willful ignorance is the only explanation for it and I can't imagine anything worse than being born in the Age of the Internet and choosing to remain stupid.

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