Occasionally, I'll glance at the personal ads on Craigslist just to see if anyone interesting posted a personal ad. Usually, I'm disappointed as the typical woman who posts an ad at that free website seems to have one characteristic in common: Morbid Obesity. I'm aware that many people are sensitive to "weight issues" and the data on Americans is not very good: more than half of all Americans are overweight. There are people who think someone is "shallow" if they are not willing to date someone who is overweight. However, I disagree. There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, physically attractive about excess skin stretched out by blubber. The human body is not designed to carry such excess weight around. Our national epidemic is systemic of something rooted in psychology.
It is difficult for me to ever find an obese woman attractive. At my last place of employment, I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing the flabby flesh of some women when they have stretched and the exposed skin beneath the shirt is revealed. Each time I have unfortunately caught this, I felt like throwing up. Perhaps this is to be expected. I've been skinny all my life, so I face the other extreme of people who don't find skinny attractive. It has never been easy for me to gain weight, try as I might. Some might envy my metabolism, but we all have our crosses to bear.
Reading the Craigslist personal ads is depressing, because it seems like the only available women out there are "left-overs". Either they are morbidly obese (or to use their favored term "BBW": big, beautiful woman) or they have children. The pickings are slim. Its not this way on Match.com. Amazing how much of a difference a dating site that requires payment in order to respond to ads makes in the quality of the women available for dating and relationships. In the online dating world, it would appear that the Craigslist personal ads are the trailer parks of the dating world.
To give you an example of a typical personal ad I've seen on Craigslist, I have posted one in its entirety for your observation. After you read it, I will tell you what's hilariously wrong with the ad.
I'm in the best place right now. I'm happy, successful, supported, and confident. I'm pursuing my BS in General Sciences, have a healthy beautiful son, and a loving family. I'm not looking for someone to fix me or fill in any gaps in my life. I'm looking for a best friend and partner in sarcasm.
I've always preferred wiry, muscled guys, compact, strong and lean. I don't want anyone severly overweight or overly muscled.
I want a man. A guy that takes care of those around him and subtely runs his house like a man should. Don't get me wrong, I in no way want a dominator, I want a partner who takes care of his business as I do. You know the kind of guy that growls when he sees a muscle car? That guy!
He would be my best friend that I can tell really sick jokes to and talk about what a hot chick that girl over there is. Then I can break down and be the girl and talk about what a bitch my co-worker was today.
Here the hitch: I was misdiagnosed with a heart problem earlier this year. I was told to sit down and not do anything to strain my heart. Guess what happened? I gained weight and got chubby. I was athletic for most of my life, (I will never be petitie), but I have great curves. So you'll have to deal with a real woman's body who was born to be voluptuous.
Having said all that, I don't need you to be adonis, but I am an attractive girl, so I would like a guy I feel attracted to.
Can you look past my weight issues right now and not be prejudiced towards someone who was misdiagnosed? Can you get to know a woman and be with her on her road back to health and her ideal weight?
I've always been the friend, the caring and supportive one. I know what a great person I am and what I deserve.
I love a good glass of red wine or sometimes a nice cold beer and I do smoke cigarettes. Not much, but I do, so for you anti-smoking snobs, give it a break already! I don't plan on smoking much longer, but that is a personal decision. Smoking has nothing to do with a person's self worth.
Remember The best thing you always needed might be right in front of you in a person you wouldn't usually give a second glance to.
Put your favorite animal in the title so I know you're real. Pic for pic.
Have a great new year!
Did anyone catch the hypocrisy apparent in that ad?
If not, here it is. She said that she wants this in a guy:
"I've always preferred wiry, muscled guys, compact, strong and lean. I don't want anyone severly overweight or overly muscled."
Yet she admits:
"Here the hitch: I was misdiagnosed with a heart problem earlier this year. I was told to sit down and not do anything to strain my heart. Guess what happened? I gained weight and got chubby. I was athletic for most of my life, (I will never be petitie), but I have great curves. So you'll have to deal with a real woman's body who was born to be voluptuous."
And she asks of the guy:
"Can you look past my weight issues right now and not be prejudiced towards someone who was misdiagnosed? Can you get to know a woman and be with her on her road back to health and her ideal weight?"
What is wrong with this picture?!?
This lady wants a guy to overlook her obesity issues, but she does not want to date an obese man herself. She is not willing to overlook a man's obesity while she expects that the man should overlook hers.
I'm truly shocked beyond belief. It stuns me that there are people who are so incredibly narcissistic, selfish, and hypocritical. They want what they are not willing to give. I wonder if she's had much success in her search. I also love her defensiveness about smoking. Obviously, she is bothered by other people's comments on her nasty habit if she is unnecessarily defensive about it in her ad. What a woman! Her ad tells me that she has some serious mental issues that go far beyond her weight and smoking.
I see it a lot in many ads. The woman is grossly overweight and / or has several children, yet she puts unreasonable demands about the kind man she wants to date: he must be over 6 feet tall, he must be muscular or fit, he must have a nice car and make a lot of money. What does such a man get in return? An overweight woman with some other guy's children who doesn't feel a need to get back in shape before she gets into the dating game. My favourite line in many ads I've seen is when the woman claims to regularly work out in the gym to lose her extra poundage. Well, maybe she should accomplish that first before she seeks dates / relationships!
It doesn't take a genius to understand that in the dating world, you have to present your best self. Attractive and physically fit people are always going to have a choice of suitors. Those who don't have the desireable qualities really have no right to be picky. It simply tells me that there are a lot of psychologically unsound people out there. No wonder why I'd rather be a studious monk than be in a relationship with such a person.
My brother actually suggested that I respond to ads on a Christian dating site. He's always pushing religion on me! I told him that it wasn't a good idea. Though I consider myself a Christian, I always feel like I have to clarify myself to others who ask. Christianity has gotten a bad rap in recent years, due in large part to the overly aggressive way that evangelicals have rammed religion down people's throats through a political marriage with the Bush regime. This association with one of the most hypocritical Christians to have ever served in the White House has damaged American Christianity. In fact, there are more self-identifying atheists according to polls at the end of the Bush era than there were in 2000. The women who post ads looking for a "Christian man" are generally looking for a traditional-type Christian, which implies a conservative worldview and the whole "Jesus died for my sins" mentality that I disagree with. I'm more into the "Spiritual but not religious" type of lady and I've seen several Match.com ads with attractive ladies who classify themselves that way.
I think Match.com is definitely the way to go. Craigslist is the ghetto for personal ads. Though my sister met her husband through a Craigslist ad, I think that's a rare find. My brother-in-law didn't have much luck with most of the women who responded to his ad. Fortunately for my sister and his sake, they had a lot in common and were seeking an intelligent partner to have in depth conversations with and they had spiritual compatability. I wish I could find that on Craigslist, but I'm not optimistic. I've seen too many ads by obese women and their hilariously unreasonable demands. My advice: lose the weight, ladies, before you post an ad. Be your best self and don't make demands of other people that you are unwilling to live yourself. If you are morbidly obese, do you really think some muscular stud is going to be physically attracted to you? Really?!?