Sunday, January 09, 2011

Could it Be Magic?

On Saturday afternoon, a friend came over to work on a project. During a break, we had a discussion on what I'm looking for in a lady. He took issue with something I said. I had said that intelligence was the most important aspect I was looking for, followed by spirituality, which I consider more important than the way she looks. Then he brought up my well-known (among my friends) aversion to obesity. He said that because I won't date an obese lady, that physical attractiveness was the most important quality that I was looking for. I said that it wasn't true.

Yes, I admit that I find obesity to be repulsive. There is simply no way I am attracted to obese women and I know this because a certain male body part has a reaction independent of my mind that lets me know what's up, even if my mind wants to pretend otherwise. No Viagra or Cialis pill is going to help me ever find an obese lady attractive. No offense to those who are obese. We are attracted to what we are attracted to and no one needs to have hurt feelings about it. For me, I think intelligence is a quality that is inherent since birth. Its unlikely that a person who lacks intelligence will ever get more intelligent, thus why it is important to meet someone within the same intelligence range. Since I believe obesity in most people can be solved through proper diet and exercise, there is no reason why a lady who really wants to be in a relationship with a lean man to do nothing about her weight issues. And they know this, because so many ads post misleading photos, or they try to make excuses for their obesity or they mention that they are working out in the gym to lose the weight or they are not upfront about their body type before meeting them.

I told my friend that the obesity issue does not make me shallow, or mean that I am not attracted to intelligence. Body types aside, I'm naturally drawn to a woman who displays intelligent thinking. I like being mentally challenged and stimulated. I love having conversations with people who know more than me. I'm content with just listening to someone's opinions, as long as the opinion reflects intelligent thinking (none of the ignorant Teabagger nonsense which only reveals that the person knows how to parrot back Fox and Beck propaganda). I've always been this way, for as long as I can remember (dating back to Kindergarten and First Grade). So, when it comes to looks, I'm really not that picky. I just don't like obesity. I don't expect to date a woman as lean as me and I have found some women attractive who have told me that they thought they were overweight though I didn't think so. Some carry it well (for example, I found Elizabeth Edwards far more attractive than Rielle Hunter, even though Hunter had the better body. Intelligence counts for a lot with me over body type. Just don't expect me to find a Roseanne Barr or the actress in the film Precious to be attractive).

When I first met Christine, I thought she was attractive. I didn't even notice that her body type was a little bit larger than I preferred. She did slim down her weight to the point where she really looks great (if she can do it by merely changing her diet and making a daily walk up a long hill each day, why can't others who are looking to attract men in their lives?). I noticed in 2000 that I am able to see a lady's inner beauty, even if the way she looks is not my "ideal." To me, this indicates that intelligence and personality does effect how I view the person and if I am attracted to their inner quality, I don't notice the physical aspect as much (looks, body type, race).

What Christine taught me most is that I'm also looking for a lady with incredible kindness. Someone who possesses that quality even more than I do. I admit that I have a mean streak. I can be vicious in what I say to someone I don't like. As I got to know Christine, her kindness inspired me to want to be a better person. I was impressed how she turned her life around. Recently on Facebook, I was looking at her most recent photos where she is with her Dutch language class in the Netherlands and I was stunned that in a roomful of women, Christine was by far the most stylish looking! She has definitely "gone European" in her clothing style. She's as attractive as ever and I really liked the scarf around her neck.

There is something about a scarf, I think. I don't know what. I noticed it in college when the professor of my History of France course was a stylish looking lady who lived in France for quite a few years. She often wore a scarf around her neck and I found her more attractive than most of the young ladies in many of my classes at BYU (I guess the scarf was symbolic of her sophistication over these naive young Mormon girls). Last year, when I was rebuffed by an attractive young lady at a Young Democrats meeting who looked like Maryam d'Abo, I made a request to the Universe about meeting a lady who spoke French and wore a scarf around her neck. Less than a week later, I had met a lady at the World Affairs discussion group I attend who fit the request. She was fluent in French and did wear a scarf around her neck. Is this a sign to look out for?

After the project was finished, I asked my friend to give me a ride to a couple's house for the monthly On Edge spiritual group meeting, since it was on the way between where I live and where he lives. I actually thought about not going, because I didn't accomplish what I had planned for Saturday (thanks in part to my friend's need for my help on his project). I needed some "me time", but I also want to support this spiritual group, made up of mostly young adults in the Community of Christ but also whoever Bob and Holly invite to the group.

The group had two new people who had not attended the previous meetings. Two ladies I had never met. One of them captured my eye and throughout the evening, I even caught her looking at me quite a few times and smiling. There seemed to be something electric going on between us, but I'm not sure if its wishful thinking on my part or what. I found her incredibly attractive. She had a reddish tint to her dark hair, she wore a purple scarf around her neck, and she fit my physical interests. However, it was some of things she said that most intrigued me, and I felt alarm bells ringing in my head when what she said hit the points of interest in what I am looking for in a lady.

I know from past experience with a couple friends of mine, I believe that soul recognition happens when you meet someone who feels awfully familiar for some strange reason, even though you just met. I know this happened for certain with my best friend Nathan and my college roommate Matt. Both have mentioned to me that I seemed familiar to them when we had met. This "soul recognition" is what I want to happen in meeting the woman I want to marry. I'm not saying that it happened at this meeting, but I wanted to write about it to mark the occasion. I like knowing the actual date when I meet the people who have entered my life and will eventually become friends. Nothing may come of this, but it'll be nice to know just in case there is something to this.

The meeting began with an icebreaker question regarding how we would act in a Zombiepocalypse. Everyone took turns telling the group what they would do. I'm not big on Zombies and find it ridiculous that people are into movies and books about them. I went last, partly because I had no idea what I would say. So, when I shared, I basically mentioned that I'm a realist and when people were panicking over Y2K, I knew nothing would happen. I also don't believe anything doomsday will happen in 2012. I mentioned that I don't believe in Zombies and have faith that I wouldn't have to worry about it, but in case it happened, I did have a voodoo doll I bought in New Orleans that might come in handy. That got a laugh! Awesome.

I also scored a couple more laughs, such as when I mentioned that the best thing I heard last year was from a lady at the employment office who said, "Get down from the cross because we're gonna need the wood." This statement created huge laughter. It was a big hit with everyone! Even the lady with the scarf was amused. It's always nice to make people laugh. The other comment I made that caused laughter was when I mentioned that I had believed for a long time what evangelical Christians told me about Buddhism being evil, until some evangelical criticized The Empire Strikes Back for the Buddhism that Yoda was teaching Luke Skywalker. I said that when I learned that was what Buddhismm was all about, I became very interested in learning more about Buddhism. Everyone found that funny, but it is true. There is nothing "evil" about Buddhism and the stuff Yoda taught did influence me as a young boy. I had no idea at the time that it was Buddhism.

After our meeting (we basically discussed our plans for the new year, what we liked about our experiences last year, how we make changes in our lives, and where we see our spirituality growing in the coming year), we stuck around and talked more informally. Of course, I had to get to know more about this lady with the purple scarf, Meghan. She moved here from San Francisco a year and a half ago. She worked nine years in a retirement community (I just got off my nine year cycle of working for the organization devoted to youth development in boys) and will be starting a new job as a nurse working in the psych ward of a state hospital. She's concerned about the patients, but she wanted to be a nurse and this is her foot in the door.

During our discussion / sharing period, some things she said really gave me goosebumps as though I had just met the woman of my dreams and that this could be the start of something good. She had said that she grew up not raised in a religion, so when she thinks of spirituality, she does not connect it to religion. She does seem to value spirituality in her own life, even though she's not interested in church. The other thing she said that intrigued me was that she admitted to having a tendency to withdraw and prefer to do things alone. She can only take so much socializing, that being around a lot of people drains her energy! Whoa!!! Same as me!!! That means she's introverted, like me. I think that two introverts in a relationship is generally a good thing, since we would understand each other better. An extroverted person would help bring me out of my shell, while an introvert will likely push me into being the more extroverted one (as I was with Christine). I don't think I've seen a relationship between two extroverts, because it simply would not work well (two attention-seeking/needing people just wouldn't get along. Its the reason why people think "opposites attract" because they see couples where one is extroverted and the other is introverted).

The fact that Meghan is friends with this young couple I know from church is a good thing. I might have to see about them possibly setting things up, if she is interested. I hope that she is interested. I felt like there was something magnetic between us. She seemed friendly enough, genuinely interested in what I had to say, warm, intriguing, intelligent, and most importantly, spiritual. She had mentioned that she was thinking about not coming, because she was concerned about this group being a religious thing. Its interesting that she felt that way, because I almost did not go, either. I've read people's experiences with "meeting the one" they married where both had not wanted to go somewhere but did and that's where they met the love of their lives. I'm not saying that this is such an event for me, but you never know. I'm only beginning my year of experiments regarding using the Law of Attraction to meet the woman I would like to marry. I did not expect to meet someone intriguing within the first week of the year. Especially on the same day that I had told a friend of mine what I was looking for in a wife. This could get interesting. Stay tuned!


pat m said...

Ask her out for coffee...a very non-threatening first date. Find a coffee shop that has a fireplace and comfortable chairs.

pat m said...

I understand you not being attractive to someone who is obese but you are cruel in some of the remarks you have said.

I was always thin until I was about 40 and found myself with health problems..,I still dated a lot although I never remarried. Unlike you I found all physical types attractive as long as they were interesting and intelligent.

Julie said...

"I found Elizabeth Edwards far more attractive than Rielle Hunter, even though Hunter had the better body. Intelligence counts for a lot with me over body type. "

I suspect that Elizabeth also may have had some moral traits that Rielle seems to lack.