Thursday, December 30, 2010

Blessed Birthday

Its amazing to reflect that a year ago on my birthday, I had gone to the New Renaissance Bookstore for the special end of year drumming circle. It was an interesting experience and one of those unique experiences I like trying out every year. I also had a motive in trying out this form of catharsis, as I really was depressed about not meeting my goal of landing a new job in 2009. I did not want to spend another birthday at that place and I hated that management would never let me have the day off. They don't allow vacations by any staff member in the month of December, though they have allowed employees who have a birthday in the other months to have their birthdays off. I believed that this inability to make exceptions for those who have December birthdays is truly one of the worst aspects of working at that place. While I'm usually not one to expect my birthday off, in recent years, it got to the point where I simply did not want to be in that negative energy office on the most sacred day of the year for me. Yeah, I admit it. I do consider December 30th to be the best day of the year. Everyone should view their birthdays as a sacred day and treat it accordingly!

At that little drumming circle, I must have pounded out all my stress and frustrations about my job and life really good, because I got exactly what I wanted in 2010. That was a powerful ritual! However, I don't know if that was entirely the reason why this year turned out the way I had hoped for years 2007 through 2009. I did a number of little things to signal my intention to the universe that I needed a job change more than anything else this year. I certainly did not want to face yet another birthday at that place.

Today, I did work at my new job. I was happy to, because I have a lot of work to fix due to the incompetence or indifference of my predecessor (whose name was Nick Diaz. I knew someone by that name in high school). At work, it also happened to be one lady's last day (she worked there for four years and is moving on to a new job in downtown Portland). That means that they had a light lunch for everyone. The payroll lady outed my birthday by telling me (in front of everyone), "I don't want you to think that we're doing this every year on your birthday!" I told her that I wasn't expecting anything. I just had the fortunate luck to start work in December, when people brought in Christmas treats practically every day. Also, I've noticed every year for a few years now that "the universe conspires to give me a gift" on my birthday. This year, it happened to be a free lunch at work.

On my way to work, I was thinking about a little ritual I had decided to try at midnight on New Year's a year ago. I had written on pieces of paper EVERYTHING I wanted out of my life, then I burned them (in a tin can that once held popcorn sold by my former place of employment). The amazing thing is that EVERYTHING I had burned on those slips of paper is completely out of my life!!! I have nothing to desire out of my life this year. Now, I want things in my life (namely a relationship with a spiritually-minded lady who has been searching for a guy like me for years and a literary agent to get my Navy novel into a nice bidding war between two publishing houses). So, what's the opposite of a burning ritual? A planting ritual? I find it slightly humourous that I now live in a townhouse with a patio and a barbecue grill in which to burn slips of paper safely, yet I have nothing that I want out of my life. Last year's ritual turned out to be a major success!

The other new things I tried last New Year's was giving my year a theme ("New Year, New Decade, New Experiences, New Career") and that turned out to be a success! The vision boards have not come to fruition...yet. I'm still keeping them and will make one for 2011. I'm also giving myself a new theme as well as a theme song. I'll reveal those on New Year's Day.

After work, I went to New Renaissance Bookstore (just like last year) but this time, I wanted to buy a Sacred Journeys journal, which I had used in 2009. I didn't buy one last year and ended up regretting it. This is the ultimate journal / time planner. I will be more diligent about keeping up with it this year. There are pages for writing goals on the various aspects of life (such as relationships, career, finances, travel, personal). Pages to write down goals and opportunities, as well as gratitude lists. Its just an awesome journal to use over the year. I think I'm moving away from the complete blank books where I can write as much as I can for pages on end. I just don't have enough time for that kind of journaling and I have a lot of writing goals for 2011.

What I learned most this year is that making little changes and keeping at them does indeed have a cumulative effect that can alter one's year. I don't know why I found success in 2010 and not in 2007, 2008, or 2009. But, I'm glad that something changed for me this year. I'm especially grateful that I can finally close the chapter on the longest job search of my life (it officially began in mid-January 2007) and shift my intense energy focus on new endeavours (primarly a love relationship with a woman I hope will lead to marriage by December 2012). I will be using the principles I learned from reading the Law of Attraction series of books by Jerry and Esther Hicks. After what I experienced in the past four years, I am completely convinced that life boils down to a matter of energy. It was hard to find a job that matches close to what my experience and interests are when I was energetically drained by working 40 hours a week in that negative energy environment. When I look back on my life at what I was able to "manifest" for myself, I always got what my soul wanted and needed when I was feeling great (buoyant, happy, radiant, ecstatic). That was never going to happen so long as there were several employees who likely had jealousy issues and wanted me to be as miserable as they are. So, I take all that occurred as a gift. I needed a period of unemployment to return my energy level back to the natural state (happy and enthused about life) before I would be able to attract an opportunity into my experience.

As I was getting ready to leave work, my supervisor came by my cubicle and apologized for being distracted by a mini-crisis that she needed to take care of. Then, what she said next completely floored me. She said, "I wanted to let you know that I am not a micromanager. I hate micromanaging people." I don't know what prompted that revelation, but after she said it, I swear that I heard bells ringing in my head. As I learned from watching many DVDs of the Law of Attraction series, all experience is to help us understand contrast. If we don't like our experience, we need to focus on what we DO want. Thus, I learned from my last job that I hated sharing an office space with miserable people and I hated being micromanaged by a control freak, especially when the control freak had a major family crisis every single month in the three years that I worked for her. Now, I have my own cubicle, which I plan to fill with positive energy vibrations that will make everyone walking by take notice and maybe even comment on it. I also noticed that people who have their own office tend to like staying in them for much of the day. This means that my supervisor isn't going to hover over my cubicle all the time, bossing me around. So far, I've been able to direct my own work for the past two weeks once I understood the basic part of the job. She gives me a couple hours of training every day, as well.

For those who may not know about what music means to me, the best analogy I can think of is this: there are many people in Portland who smoke marijuana (without a medical license authorizing the legal use of such chemical) because they want to feel exactly the way I feel when I hear a great piece of music (a great song, an irresistible melody, a brilliant album). Ever since childhood, I have had the strange ability to "lose myself" in a song and just feel the intensity of it. I think a part of the reason why I've never taken any illegal drugs is because I knew that music could always take me to "that place of bliss" that everyone seems to want to get to through the use of drugs. Nothing else makes me feel completely "blissed out" or "in the zone" or "ecstatically high" like music does. That is why this job has been a pleasant surprise for me. In fact, if the government agencies I had applied to call for an interview, I'm going to decline and say that I have found a job that I'm content with for now. I really want to focus on other things, now that I can put an end to the job search. It is my hope that working every day doing my independent research without the supervisor breathing down my back, while listening to the incredibly diverse music distributed by the company, that I will be able to maintain and even build my positive energy vibration to the point where I can attract the other major items on my list: love and a literary agent.

The picture above is of me as a baby (not sure how old I was...a couple months, perhaps?). I'm one year from forty and I'm excited about the possibility of making 2011 the best year of my life.

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