Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What is With the Ladies?

This post is inspired by a few happenings in my life. (1) I was surfing the personal ads on Craigslist two weeks ago and was surprised to see one lady request a guy exactly 5'7" tall! That's my height! You realize how rare that is? Oh my gosh, I thought all women wanted their man to be over 6 feet tall. That seems to be the magic number (its also my belief that the biggest reason why the U.S. won't covert to the metric system is because men prefer to be 6 feet tall than 2 meters tall. Our gender is hopelessly obsessed with numbers and quantities).

Also in the ad, this lady mentioned liking to hike. Wow...and I just started hiking with a group of church members in March. Was this a match?

After a few email exchanges, I was disappointed. Her emails are short and vague. She may answer a question I had asked, but she does so in the most vague and boring manner possible. She also doesn't ask any questions back to me. This means that she's not engaging my mind and intriguing me. After three emails, I was bored with her and never wrote back. She never sent a picture, either, even though she's seen mine. So, I wouldn't be surprised if she was nothing to look at. However, the most frustrating thing about the exchange is her vague responses.

For example, I had asked her what kind of music she likes. I listed some of the bands and musicians that I liked. Her response was to list a bunch of radio stations: 88.1, 106, 93.5 (something like that). That's it! I don't even know what radio stations they are! I only know them by their call sign: CHARLIE FM, KICK, KINK, etc. Why are women so weird like that? Its bad deja vu. In 2001, one lady I went out on a date with seemed to get all clammy when I asked what kind of music she likes. When I asked my sister why a lady might be nervous over revealing what music she likes, my sister said that she had a friend who felt like she was "judged" whenever people asked what music she listened to. Seriously?!? Oh my God, get over it! Some people overthink shit way too much!

Are there guys who would dump a lady after a first date because she indicated that she liked certain groups that he didn't? If he does such a thing, the woman should be grateful to be spared a shallow asshole like him. For me, I'm naturally curious what kind of music people like. Granted, some people think its a little too personal to reveal early on, but in all my friendships that I've made over the years, music was usually a great bonding experience. All of my friends at some point or another introduced me to awesome music I had never heard before, and I've done likewise for many of my friends (most would say that I introduced them to Johnny Clegg's music!). So, if there are any insecure single ladies out there reading this and wondering if they should reveal what kind of music they like, go ahead! What can you lose? Avoiding answering a simple question like this only makes me more suspicious about other things. Basically, if you can't be honest over something like one's musical tastes, then it'll be much harder to establish trust and honesty over anything else.

Perhaps I should give the lady a chance and respond to her email...but it has been a week. Her emails were so vague and boring that I believe she is probably a dull person to begin with. I didn't feel any energy in the stuff that she wrote in the email. I could clearly see some warning signs already (she sounded kind of paranoid, too). Its a shame. How hard is it to find a lady who engages my mind with intelligent conversation? This has been my one constant obsession since elementary school. Since the first grade, when my crush was on a girl in my neighbourhood whom I thought was way smarter than me, I've always been a sucker for the intelligent girl (and likewise heartbroken, too, when I saw them fall into destructive relationships with "bad boys"). This is kind of ironic, given my history of not getting along with feminists, who think I'm a "sexist" pig simply because I point out gender differences when they make claims that aren't true (one of them being that "gender preferences are cultural", which is untrue because my Thai mother told me exactly how similar little girls in Thailand are with little girls in the USA. There was no real cultural difference. Girls all over the world love to play with dolls and boys generally love to fight or play war or shoot guns).

Perhaps its the curse of my existence. I'm only attracted to women who are able to engage my mind with intelligent talk, while these women are attracted to guys who beat the living shit out of them and complain to "male buddies" like me! Don't want to hear it! I wish all it took was some bimbo flashing me and acting crazy to intice me into wanting to hook up with them...but its simply not enough. Intelligence matters! (2) Its disheartening to me that even the Yahoo personals have gotten skanky lately. In the past month alone, I've had four responses to my Yahoo ad from ladies who indicated that they were "conservative Christians" and then for a P.S. added that if I emailed them at another address, I could see "dirty pictures in their sexy undies!" Oh yeah, that's really an enticement for me. How about you tell what's been going on in Burma for the past decade...then we'll talk!

Am I the only guy in the world who finds an intelligent (and thin) woman to be extremely sexy? Why are they so hard to find? I haven't met one since the mystery lady with the scarf around her neck showed up at one of the World Affairs Oregon discussion groups a couple months ago. I don't think she has moved back from Senegal, yet, but I hope she does really soon. She's intriguing enough for me and I'd love to have some amazing conversations with a lady this summer. When both of us appeal to each other's intellect, the fireworks in our brains is pretty intense. Seriously! There's a lot more to attraction than just the physical part, but all I seem to be bombarded with are brainless bimbos tantalizing me with their intellectual unattractiveness. (3) Such as the screaming ladies leaning out the window of a Party Bus that had driven by me late one night when no one else was on the sidewalk. They were screaming at me, trying to get me excited but I actually felt embarrassed. I know from personal experience that these women wouldn't give me the time of day in any other circumstance. They were drunk and they wanted my attention. As I am learning from the Law of Attraction series...I must be mindful of where I focus my attention.

The last thing I want in my life is a brainless bimbo. There are plenty of guys who prefer those types of women. I've read that intelligent women have a difficult time finding a mate because so many men are threatened by a woman who might be more intelligent than they are. Maybe that's the trade-off on why so many intelligent women I've met have been so enthralled by bad boys. Perhaps subconsciously, these intelligent women feel guilty for being smarter than the guys they meet, so an abuser cuts them down to size. That's pretty sad, if that's the case.

Later this week, I'll review a hilarious guy film I recently watched. Its exactly the kind of film that an uptight feminist would hate, but it actually says something profound about the way men and women think. Stay tuned!


Anonymous said...

如果,人類也像鼠輩一般,花很多時間來吃飯和睡覺,一定會改善健康。 .............................................

therese said...

I have to answer this! :)

I'm a 51-yr-old mother of 4 very intelligent women between the ages of 21 & 29. I am also associated with lots of intelligent women in their 30's & 40 - right here in Portland, so I feel confident that my advice has some merit.

Intelligent women are involved in their careers and their networks. They are busy with causes that matter to them, they are focused on what fulfills them and their attempts into online dating scenarios are sporadic and short. They do have a desire to find a partner who will celebrate who they are and having a partner they can celebrate for who he is - and height is not an issue.

What women look for in a man is a sense of fulfillment regarding who the man feels he is - in relation to his career and family. This is one of the traps intelligent women fall into. They see an appeal in a man who is content with his work - no matter what that work may be. It could be pumping septic systems. The man who is secure in his "job" seems like a stable guy. The man who knows his "place" according to the dictates of manhood in his family, appeals to intelligent women. It takes time before that reality plays out and women realize the man who was content in his manhood as a sewer slave is also clear that "he's a man" and his physical prowess as a man may have been taught to demean women.

Many women around the globe do have a nurturing-by-nature aspect that is encouraged by many cultures. Women and men are indoctrinated by their cultures even if they don't realize it. This can be hereditary, religious and societal. It's tough for us all to look beyond the fundamentals of our childhood, and it does form us, whether women or men.

My personal advice to you is do what intelligent women I personally know - do. Find what fulfills them in work, causes, hobbies and friends. Be the best you - you want to be. Network with others of like mind and heart and have as much fun as possible. Know that when you are as fulfilled as an individual as you can be, the partner you desire will also be fully formed as an individual. Because until you are both at that point - creating a solid partnership is a wobbly thing.

Lasting relationships are more like a business partnership than many romantics realize. I understand this as a romance novelist and being married for 30 years. What's your resume as a human? As a man? What skills are you bringing to the foundation of a relationshp?

Relationships face all kinds of upsets and weather. It's only the foundation that really matters and being a brick is better than being made of straw.

To return to your Star Wars post and Joseph Campbell and heroes with a 1000 faces - the male is content when the objectives are clearly defined. The female is focused on the opportunities presented once the objectives are reached.