Saturday, August 18, 2007

The Crazy Art of Manifestation

Ever since I got back from my best friend's wedding in June, I've made a job search my part-time job that's become an obsession. Actually, though, I have been looking for a new job since January when my co-worker snapped at me for the third time, leading to a yelling match between us until she backed down. She had snapped at me for the dumbest reason and it was inexcusible in my opinion. I know some people find it hard to believe, but I'm of the opinion that there's little need to yell. In fact, when it comes to yelling, I'm at a severe disadvantage.

The last time I really yelled at someone was in December 2005, when one annoying guy at my workplace in Atlanta bragged about the Iraqi election being a success, as though he knew all the ins and outs of Iraqi politics. I was just fed up with him that I started yelling at him about his ignorance regarding politics. I know I shouldn't have let him get under my skin like that, but I was tired of his blind support for Bushpolitiks. So, what happened? I lost my voice for a week! Because it happened immediately, I knew that I was being held spiritually responsible for what I did. At the time, I even thought of that story in the Bible when Elizabeth's husband loses his voice for doubting God. So, I haven't yelled at anyone for over a year. Until my co-worker lit into me. And one thing I wish people knew about me...if you leave me in peace, you'll get peace back. But if you push me, I'll push back. I'd rather do the Gandhi thing, but because I've tend to be on the puny side of things in our oversized American culture, I've always been the favourite target of bullies. And bullies don't like it when others push back. That's how I saw it with the co-worker.

However, my job search was dismal. I probably applied to over 50 jobs this year. Not one single request for an interview. Occasionally, I'll get a rejection letter from a place I applied to, long after my excitement moved on to another job prospect. Most of the places I've applied to, I didn't hear from them at all. It got so bad, and so did work, that the month of July nearly consumed me in the most severe case of depression I've ever had to endure. No prayers were answered and my desperation for any improvement in my job was so severe that I did what I had been avoiding for a long time (because of the expense involved and the questionable "credibility"). I decided to make an appointment with a psychic on August 1st to get the answers.

So, I did. And from the first "vision" he saw, he hit it on the nose. I prefer to keep the session private (sorry!), but it did give me the answers I had long sought from God. I know I should probably meditate more, but I had a problem discerning the impressions I had within, so all the psychic did was tell me things I already knew. But what he gave me was a reshifting of my priorities and gave good advice on where to focus my energies if I wish to manifest big changes in my life. The amazing thing is, August has proven to be the most productive month. I've gotten 4 calls for interviews in this month (after not snagging a single one all year long). One didn't pan out, two didn't return my calls, but one led to a face-to-face interview. And that one is an interesting job, though not exactly my dream job. I also sought the advice of a spiritual career guide, and she told me that I had to visualize all the details of my dream job and not settle for less, if I get a job offer that doesn't meet my main desires. Since I've manifested things before, I believe this stuff does work...I just have a hard time manifesting my dream career.

Anyhow, the one job that expressed interest wanted me to make a decision right away, not giving my current employers a two week notice. I was very uncomfortable with that. I needed more time. Then on Thursday, I got a call from the guy who interviewed me and he said that he had bad news for me: the hiring decision has been postponed until September 1st. When he said that, I didn't tell him, but that was good news for me. I wasn't ready to make a decision this week. I needed a couple weeks to hopefully "manifest my dream job" or see how things at work plays out. So, I got my wish.

Today, the office manager pulled me into her office to talk about the big changes they are instigating at the office. It verified what I had been feeling at work for about a month. I had suspected that something odd was going on. Other people at work felt it as well. Too many closed door meetings, hush-hush conversations, and just outright paranoia. It was a weird vibe in the air. The office manager said to me, "I know you're looking for another job because you're not happy with your current job, so I wanted to let you know about a new position we're creating that we think you'd be great for." Now, if that sounds bad, it's not. It was actually what I wanted to hear. Honestly, I hate doing customer service work. Dealing with customers and the same ass questions everyday (and dumb questions generally) really got to me in July. I couldn't take it anymore. I haven't been exactly discreet about my dissatisfaction with my job. Someone's got a mouth and probably told the office manager my intentions. But, I'm not too worried about it. If you can't be honest where I work, then there really is no hope anywhere that an organization which made trustworthiness and honesty the cornerstone of its philosophy is any different from the rest of corporate America.

So, I admitted to her that I have been looking for a job, but I also made it clear that I was loyal and enjoyed working with most of the people at the office. My main beef is the low wages, so that's why I was seeking a better paying position. I even asked for a raise if I take this new position. But I'm awaiting a decision on another position that pays the wages I seek. We had an interesting conversation and she told me that they would want me to start the new position on September 1st. There's that date again. Ka-ching! So, that's two jobs lined up to choose from. It gives me two weeks to manifest my dream job. If one doesn't materialize in the next two weeks, then I will have squandered the month of August. This is the month I wanted to make the change, so I haven't given up on it yet. I'm just grateful for the delay so I can see what else might come my way.

My biggest flaw is that I'm too loyal. And I'm personally conservative, in that I tend to be risk averse. Quitting my job in Atlanta to move across country was something I considered to be the biggest gamble of my life. It hasn't resulted the way I thought, in terms of income, but I'm working that angle. If I didn't have college loans to repay, I'd love to go to Grad School and get a Master's in Economics. I used to hate that subject, but increasingly over the past few years, I'm interested in learning how the economy works because I have so many questions about the illogical nature of what I see around me...namely, the lack of well paying jobs in relation to the expensive rent or cost of homeownership. There are a lot of expensive condos, townhomes, and houses for sale. It prices out a lot of people who don't earn enough to qualify for a loan or the rent calculation. So, the only fair system I can think of is to have housing reflect the salary. For instance, if 60% of the jobs in a metro area pays minimum wage or a bare living wage, then 60% of the housing prices should be affordable for those people. The sad truth is, rich people have more freedom to determine where they live and what they can afford to own. All I ask for is a salary that allows me to pay all my bills and college loans, and have a lot left over to put into my savings and travel funds. Yet, so many places expect people to live on $12 an hour, despite the cost of living making it near impossible.

So, that's where I'm at now. I want to learn more about this system of inequality and exploitation, but grad school is a pipe dream for me until my loans are paid off. I had hoped that I'd sell my novel for an amount that would pay off all my debts and have enough left over for a monthlong vacation to Australia, a new car, and to finance being in grad school for 3 years. Like I said...pipe dream! Right now, I'd just be happy for a good political job or one involved with international relations, where international travel is part of it.

Based on the developments of the past couple of weeks, I remain hopeful that other opportunities will appear. I'd like to have a choice of at least four different jobs when it comes to September 1...the day I'll have to make a choice. All of them have positives and negatives involved, which tends to even out the job prospects until I'm indecisive and can choose any one of them in hopes that I didn't make a mistake. I don't want that this time. I want a clear indication of a job that has everything I want in a dream job. That's the part I have to work on manifesting. After all, I did manifest the five things I wanted in my second car; the five things I wanted in a girlfriend. God gives me a taste, but things never last. But, I promise you, that will change this month. I'll keep you posted, if you keep me in your prayers. Thanks...

1 comment:

D/B/c/m said...

i sent up prayers just now! congratulations on having options!